How counselling works — How I work

Working with Lucia

When we feel accepted just as we are, when there is no need to make a good impression, when we feel safe and cared for, then we can start to trust and relax.
It is only then that we can look at ourselves honestly, at our troubles and our difficulties.
We can begin to work through, and feel our way through, what has happened to us in the past and what is happening right now.
Only as we do that can we begin to search for a better way forward.

What is counselling for?

Life can get difficult for all kinds of reasons. For example, difficult relationships, loss, traumatic events, abuse, feeling stuck, deep dissatisfaction, hopelessness, persistent fear and worry, are some common difficulties. These difficult experiences can not only impact your emotional, spiritual, psychological, and relational wellbeing, they can also impact your physical health and life quality.

I help clients to get to know themselves better and accompany them as they look at their difficult reality. I support them as they work towards wholeness, healing, and a better life.

Counselling is all about relationship.

We need the company of others, and the sense that we are valued and respected, before we can be ourselves. To begin to connect with another person, to start to trust them—even just a little—is to begin to heal.

My job as a counsellor is to be that other person. Of course, my job also involves knowing about the kinds of issues which bring people to counselling, and about what helps with those issues, but the biggest part of what I do is to help you to be increasingly okay with knowing yourself.

I love the forest.
It comforts.
It can help us heal.
But when I need to work on my own "stuff"—and counsellors have stuff too—then I seek the company and help of another human being.


The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. Carl Rogers

What is needed for counselling to work?

Research clearly shows that “therapeutic alliance” and “client engagement” best predict therapeutic outcome. In other words, the strength and quality of the relationship between the counsellor and the client, and the client’s commitment to counselling and their participation in counselling, are what really matters.

There’s nothing here about how clever the counsellor is, how many degrees they have, or how good they are at diagnosis. What matters is the relationship between counsellor and client and their engagement in what they are doing together. That is why it is so important to find a counsellor you feel comfortable with... Like finding a place where you can be.

My approach

I approach counselling based on person centred practice and theory, experiential focusing, and attachment theory. I am interested in wisdom traditions, spirituality, and spiritual practices. For me, it all adds up to this:
Know what you are feeling and experiencing. Make space for that. (It may hurt.)
Don't try to hold onto it. Don't try to dodge it. Let it work through you.
Not holding on, not dodging, usually means we need to:
Work through difficult feelings and past experiences, allowing ourselves to fully taste and know them.
If we don't, life tends to get even more difficult. The art of counselling is facilitating and supporting all this.